What do I say to a grieving Muslim family?

In more detail

• Say “we hope”, not “we know”

  When a woman told the dead ʿUthmān ibn Maẓʿūn, “I testify that Allah has honoured you,” the Prophet ﷺ asked how she knew, and said that he himself hoped good for him.

  Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1243

• Let them grieve

  When the Prophet ﷺ wept as his grandchild was dying and was asked about it, he said it was mercy that Allah places in the hearts of His servants. Avoid “it was for the best,” “at least…,” or comparing their loss to another. Listening is often the kindest thing.

  Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1284

• Bring food

  The family is occupied with what has happened. Cook for them, or organize meals for the first days. All four schools recommend this, and all four discourage the family making meals for visitors.

  Sunan Abī Dāwūd 3132 (ḥasan, al-Albānī) · Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Radd al-Muḥtār (Ḥanafī), 2:240–241 · Al-Dardīr, al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr, with Ḥāshiyat al-Dasūqī (Mālikī), 1:419 · Al-Nawawī, al-Majmūʿ (Shāfiʿī), 5:320 · Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī (Ḥanbalī), 2:410

• The first three days

  In all four schools, condolence is offered for about three days, and after that mainly to someone who was away. The schools differ on whether the family should sit at home to receive visitors; follow the family’s wishes and your imam.

  Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Radd al-Muḥtār (Ḥanafī), 2:241 · Al-Dardīr, al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr, with Ḥāshiyat al-Dasūqī (Mālikī), 1:419 · Al-Nawawī, al-Majmūʿ (Shāfiʿī), 5:306 · Al-Buhūtī, Kashshāf al-Qināʿ (Ḥanbalī), 2:160

• The reward

  No believer consoles his brother in a calamity except that Allah clothes him in garments of honour on the Day of Resurrection.

  Sunan Ibn Mājah 1601 (graded ḍaʿīf by Darussalam; al-Albānī first weakened it, then graded it ḥasan li-ghayrihi, Ṣaḥīḥ al-Targhīb 3508)